You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
