Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
