the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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