I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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