I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
