Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
