I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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