And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
