$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
