Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
