Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
