I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My life is pants optional.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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