my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
