I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
