I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
