He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
