just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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