The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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