i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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