Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
