wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
