youre lurking in front of me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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