It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
