I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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