Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
