Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
