im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
