oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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