you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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