sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
