Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
