So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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