areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
