I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We are all done wearing pants today
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
