I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
