HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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