just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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