my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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