I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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