He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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