Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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