I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
