Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
