She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
