i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
