WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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