he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My cat gives me a boner
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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