remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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