that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
