You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
