Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
