Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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