I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
